Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.Hippocrates (460 BC - 370 BC)
I wanted to have a baby girl... I felt someone was missing from our family and in August of 2010 I was pregnant for eight emotional weeks. A miscarriage seemed to dash my hopes for another baby and so I didn't want to dream anymore. The following year was difficult and my marriage nearly ended.
However, in June of 2011, I realized it was time to try again...and TIME to HEAL. I chose to try again.
The day Noelle was born was interesting... I had developed a huge fear of laboring, specifically laboring through the transition stage. I was having trouble sleeping, breathing, and couldn't relax in general. The fear always worsened at night, of course when everyone is asleep and my thoughts could run wild. So, I set up an appointment with a "hypno-therapist" to ease the pain of anxiety & fear. My appointment was set for 3 p.m. March 12, 2012... the day Noelle would be born. I had an opportunity to go earlier to the hypno- therapist... 1 p.m. Then, we had to pick up our van from a mechanic at 2:30 p.m. (I started to feel mentally fuzzy at that point and told my husband to follow me closely driving home) By 3:15 p.m. I was feeling DIFFERENT! I couldn't rest, though I felt tired. I felt something big was going on, without having any of the usual symptoms like contractions, water breaking, nausea, etc. I was only guessing it was time to have my baby when I told my husband to drive me to the hospital right now!!! Uhmmm... I planned for a waterbirth in my home...I felt panicked & with too many unresolved issues in my home, I opted to go elsewhere.
Here is the sequence of events describing my birth experience:
3:30 p.m. Called my amazing doula, Dawn Smyth, on the way to the hospital! 10 min. later, I checked in & felt as if I must be a little bit crazy...how do I know I'm in labor...good thing no one asked me to report that info. Just having a feeling doesn't usually suffice in the medical world. Maybe in the Psych ward..?
4:00 p.m. still no contractions, dilated to 6 cm. (Ok, my feelings were accurate-time to have a baby) Then, contractions began in full force...I vocalized through a few before going into the labor/delivery room. Then my doula helped me with a technique called "counter pressure" ~a.MAAA.zing!!! I thought for a moment, "I could be doing this at home!!!" Seriously, every woman needs a doula!!!
6:15 p.m.dilated to 9 cm I felt a lot of pressure on my bladder...having received an epidural an hour earlier, I was confused why I was feeling so many sensations, but don't get me wrong, I LOVED IT! I was feeling like I was laboring, yet not feeling overwhelmed by intense contractions...so happy I had a doula to talk to.
6:37 p.m. After a twenty minute break, husband was returning from getting some dinner as things picked up...I felt like pushing, the nurse suggested someone would be sent to find him.... but, he made it back at 6:40 p.m. uh-huh... cutting it close! (women everywhere unite: he is
LUCKY he made it back --right?!!)
6:58 p.m. after pushing about five times Noelle was born!!! 2-1/2 hours of active labor and lots of anxiety and hopes and dreams... I felt so much power and felt so honored to be her Mama! The doctor looked before I had a chance and I asked, "Is it a boy?" He said, "It's a GIRL!!!" I felt so much love for her.
I thought she was so
beautiful!!! I called my midwife who supported me so well during pregnancy... Stephanie Soderblom, Nurturing Hearts Birthing Service. She sang, "Happy Birthday to You!" Love her! She was my homebirth midwife three years ago. I also homebirthed eight years prior, in Utah. My first baby was in the hospital...but, I felt left out of that birth for a number of reasons...not all my choice. I felt guided and respected at Noelle's birth. Thanks to good nurses, doctors, my doula, and Stephanie, my midwife, I experienced what any woman deserves:
choices and
support during the birth process.
I love this picture where I'm holding Noelle. It encompasses all the emotion I felt... the power is sacredly given to a woman to bring life into this world... I am so thankful and will always remember the moment I held her with only my husband and doula present. I felt that the whole world stopped for that moment... to praise this miracle.. My Baby's Birth is the most divine diversion from all the little details that surround my life!
I believe at the crossroads in life, there may come a divine diversion... something that places your focus on a new path, a new angle, a new choice. TAKE IT!!! You can trust that when all points define who you are, what you are made of, and why it is happening... you'll find that God is waiting there! He is the eternity of time and He allows healing opportunities, ultimately to get us HOME again.
